The Modern Creed

By Steve Turner, English journalist
We believe in Marx, Freud and Darwin.
We believe everything is okay, as long as you don’t hurt anyone to the best of your definition of hurt and to your best definition of knowledge.
We believe in sex before, during and after marriage.
We believe in the therapy of sin.
We believe that adultery is fun. We believe that sodomy is okay.
We believe that taboos are taboo.
We believe that everything is getting better despite evidence to the contrary. The evidence must be investigated and you can prove anything with evidence.
We believe there is something in horoscopes, UFO’s, and bent spoons.
Jesus was a good man just like Buddha, Mohammad and ourselves. He was a good moral teacher, although we think basically his good morals were really bad.
We believe that all religions are the basically the same, at least the ones we read about. They all believe in love and goodness. They only differ on matters of creation, sin, heaven, hell, God and salvation.
We believe that after death comes nothing because when you ask the dead what happens they say nothing. If death is not the end, and if the dead have lied, then it’s compulsively heaven for all except perhaps Hitler, Stalin and Chingis Khan.
We believe in Masters and Johnson. What is selected is average, what’s average is normal, and what’s normal is good.
We believe in total disarmament. We believe there are direct links between warfare and bloodshed. [The good guys] should beat their guns into tractors and [the bad guys] would be sure to follow.
We believe that man is essentially good-it’s only his behavior that lets him down. This is the fault of society; society’s the fault of condition; and conditions are the fault of society.
We believe that each man must find the truth that is right for him and reality will adapt accordingly; the universe will readjust and history will alter.
We believe that there is no absolute truth, except the truth that there is no absolute truth.
I prefer the Apostles'.

1 comment:

sonia said...

yee thats funny as fuckk